


Trump, Trudeau, and Tariffs

by Fandoms_Are_Life37



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: American Politics, Background Relationships, Brotherly Affection, Brothers America & Canada (Hetalia), Canadian Politics, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, International Relations, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Oval Office, Phone Calls & Telephones, Politics, Tariffs, Twins, White House, no editing we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms_Are_Life37/pseuds/Fandoms_Are_Life37
Summary: Based on the interactions between President Trump and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in 2018. Namely, the tariffs the US imposed on Canadian aluminum and steel.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Trump, Trudeau, and Tariffs

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Trump, politics
> 
> Estimated read time: 8 minutes
> 
> A/N: Please don't turn the comment section into a political debate, this is just a fanfiction

May 25, 2018- The White House

“You assured me months ago that we wouldn’t be affected by your tariffs,” protested the voice over the phone. 

“Plans changed,” America’s boss responded.

America, sprawled across the cream couch whose pattern he hated, was doing his personal best not to cut into his boss’s conversation. Oval Office etiquette said that he shouldn’t be laying all over it with his feet propped up on the armrest, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He couldn’t remember the last president who chastised him for it. 

The only time he got scolded was when his shoes were on the cushions. 

“It’s just aluminum and steel,” President Trump said with little concern, his gaze kept wandering to the pen he was clicking on his desk. 

“It’s going to damage the economy,” Prime Minister Trudeau responded. “What about all the people that will lose jobs because of this? You realize this will hurt the American economy, too, right?” 

No, he didn’t seem to get that message, America thought to himself. His boss was all too fond of causing issues with his allies. You’d think a businessman would know better.

“I think you pose a greater risk to the United States than the tariffs do,” Trump said back with a small shrug of his shoulders. 

“What?” 

“Canada is a national security issue.” His statement was full of nonchalance and detachment- as if he didn’t realize what he just said. 

America sat up and gave him a look that his president ignored. Canada? A national security issue? His brother? 

God, every day that he spent working with the Trump Administration, he wished he weren’t immortal just a little bit more. 

He knew that, despite Trump being on speakerphone, he wasn’t supposed to cut in. But after a moment of thinking it over, he decided fuck that and went over to the phone. 

“Hello, Prime Minister,” America greeted. This time, he was the one receiving a look that told him to shut up, but he ignored it. 

“Hello, America,” Trudeau responded. “We were just discussing some new tariffs your president has proposed.” 

“Yes, I heard.” 

“Then you’ll have an opinion on them,” said a new, fourth voice: Canada. 

America smiled. “Hey, Matthew. Yes, I do, however, President Trump has not heard it because he didn’t discuss these tariffs with me before bringing it up. I’m sure it was just forgotten on the agenda, though.” 

He could have sworn he heard Canada stifle a laugh, and he knew that they’d be talking about it next time they met up to watch sports together (this week was baseball, right? Or hockey?) 

“Not to worry, Alfred, you can always handle that now,” Canada responded politely. “We could go on hold.” 

“Perfect. Thank you,” America responded before putting his twin and his boss on hold. Then, he crossed his arms and stared at his boss like he’d grown a second head. “How is _Canada_ a national security threat? He’s debatably my closest ally.” 

“Debatably.” 

“Yeah, not because people consider him an enemy, but because France and Australia are my best friends, and I’m dating England, so it's a close call.” 

The president scowled. He never approved of America’s relationship with England, considering his homophobia and his aversion to being too close to another nation. In his mind, allies were responsibilities. “So? He hasn’t always been our partner. He’s been our enemy before.” 

“Yeah, in, like, the 18th and 19th centuries. But that was because he was part of the British Empire at the time. He didn’t like fighting with me, and his people often rebelled and supported mine, like during the Revolutionary War, because we’re brothers. And he’s been nothing but loyal in recent years. He’s been important in the War on Terror, his men died alongside mine in both world wars, and he stood by me in the Korean War. The Persian Gulf war, too, and plenty of other smaller ones. He’s part of the UN, NATO, NAFTA, and the Five Eyes. And what about the North American Alliance?”

“Mexico is part of that, too.” 

For what felt like the millionth time, America rolled his eyes. “Why do you hate Mexico so much? He’s my friend.”

“His people are-” 

“Nevermind, nevermind. We’re getting sidetracked. The point is that Canada isn’t a threat, and these tariffs are bullshit. If Americans don’t buy aluminum and steel from Canada, they’ll get it from China.” As soon as he said that, he understood why Trump was doing what he was doing. 

Irritated, the president took the Canadians off hold. America sighed in relief, believing the issue to be resolved. “We’re back and would like to apologize for-” 

“America may not believe Canada to be a threat, but I do, and these tariffs will ensure that we are treated fairly in trade.” Trump interrupted. 

The Prime Minister on the other end of the line couldn’t have sounded more annoyed. “Please tell me why exactly you honestly believe Canadian aluminum and steel that builds your tanks, cars, and airplanes, to be a threat?” 

“It comes from China!” 

Canada exclaimed, exasperated, “Right, which is why in April, we increased funding and border security to prevent transshipment of any steel and aluminum that could be considered unreasonably priced to protect the North American market. You were satisfied with that compromise and we held up our end. Why aren’t you upholding yours?” 

“Because your country is a threat to national security!” 

“You keep saying that, but I have yet to hear a proper reason why.” 

Looking ready to burst, he finally exclaimed, “Didn’t you guys burn down the White House?” 

A long pause fell over the politicians and their nations. Finally, Canada said, “...No?” 

“Oh yeah? In 1812, you didn’t set our capital on fire?” 

It was a long time ago, but the thought still stung America, he glared at his boss. “England did that, not Canada.” 

“That’s another reason you shouldn’t be consorting with him!” Trump cried. 

“That’s a conversation for another time.” 

“Well, there was that battle on the Great Lakes and-” 

“God, shut up!” America shouted. He whirled on the phone and said in the calmest voice he could manage, “I’m very sorry, Prime Minister, but we’re going to need to hang up and have a private conversation.” 

Trudeau sounded uncomfortable. “Understandable.” 

“Mattie, don’t forget, we’re meeting up on Friday at your place. I’m pretty sure it’s baseball week.” 

“It is,” His brother answered.

“Great. Goodbye.” 

Without waiting for a reply, America hung up the phone and turned to his boss. Here we go again. 

***

“How much longer until the game starts?” America asked, flopping down on Canada’s couch and offering him some popcorn. 

“Like ten minutes,” Canada answered, flipping through the channels and shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. 

He stopped clicking at a live press conference. His boss was on screen, looking as put-together as always and talking about the tariffs. 

Snickering, Canada said, “That phone call was a disaster.” 

“You can say that again,” America laughed. 

“1812. Yes, Mr. Trump, I, Canada, burned down the White House in 1812,” Canada said, cackling. “Boy, his history is bad.” 

“Trust me, I know. One time he tried to tell me that Abraham Lincoln had a phobia of Robert E. Lee. He also claimed that President Andrew Jackson was angry about there being a Civil War. He said that Jackson said, ‘there’s no reason for this.’” 

Canada blinked. “Didn’t President Jackson die sixteen years before the Civil War?” 

“Yes.” 

Both burst into laughter, and Canada had to wipe away tears. “Christ, does he do that a lot?” 

“Tell me incorrect history facts? Yes. He said the Empire State Building was built in nine months, and the wheel is older than the wall. Whenever I object, he tells me to read a textbook. As if I wasn’t, you know, _there.”_

Canada wheezed through his fits of laugher but managed, “Oh my god!” 

“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you did burn down DC. Maybe we shouldn’t be having sports Friday, Canada. This is probably very dangerous for me.” 

“S- Stop!” He gasped, bending over and clutching his sides, still cackling. “My lungs h- hurt!” 

Smiling and taking mercy on his brother, America switched the channel as the baseball game started. No matter how ridiculous Trump-Trudeau relations got, they’d still cheer on their favorite teams.


End file.
